life is divine chaos. embrace it.

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“my business is not to remake myself, but make the absolute best of what God made.” 
~ robert browning

“making the absolute best of ourselves is not an easy task. it is a pleasurable pursuit, it is the reason we were born, but it requires patience, persistence, and perseverance. for many of us it also requires prayer. that’s because we find it far easier to learn to live by our own lights when we have access to a higher source of power to illuminate our path…do not try to remake yourself into something you’re not. just try to make the best of what God made. begin today by turning on the light…” 

~ sarah ban breathnach

have been working to ensure i always have the light turned on in my life. that daily i am living in such a way that i can be inspired. that i can give and receive love. that my path can be illuminated. too often the last five or so years i have tried to be something different than i am. i get lost. get distracted. try to hard to blend. i believe keeping the light on guides us to who we are meant to be. guides us in discovering our authentic self.

growing up, i was a rather intense child… teenager… and young adult for that matter. i don’t think many people knew how to respond to me or me to them. any of my close friends will tell you they first thought i was a snob. a cold, uptight snob. i hate to think what everyone else thought. the truth was i just didn’t know how to relate. again, emotions have never been my thing, at least not for a very long time. i am pretty sure it was in the 3rd grade that i started trying to protect myself and building the walls.

then during college my world shattered and i decided it would be better to blend than to make waves. i tried to tone “it” down. as i was told so often to do. apparently “it” is my personality. during college being friends with me was compared to a “sugar high” or a “car wreck”. both for their intense qualities. the car wreck for it’s ability to make you think “what just happened?!?” yes. i was very enthusiastic. very opinionated. a spit ball of ideas and energy and attitude. someone very few people could handle for very long if at all?!?

then the walls came crumbling down in my life and i decided it would be easier to just blend. to not make waves. to calm down. i realized though you can only lie to yourself for so long. you can only try to be something you’re not for so long. you can only keep your mouth shut so long before you start to become nothing more than a shell.

i am me. i am ridiculously imperfect. i am hard to handle. i rarely sugar coat the truth. i see things very black and white.  and although the past few years have taught me a lot and smoothed out some corners – i am still me. i think though i have finally learned to accept it and to realize i am me (craziness, dorkiness, ridiculousness, opinionated(ness), outspoken(ness) blondness and all) for a reason.

i hope we can all learn and see who we really are and see that there is no need to remake ourselves or be any different than we truly are – yes we are here to learn, grow and change – but not in order to appease others or to “fit” in only to become better versions of what we already are. and i hope we can all appreciate and love each other regardless. finding out who we really are is no easy task, tis true. but it can be something we enjoy. after all…

“life is to be enjoyed not just endured”
 ~ president gordon b. hinckley

so lets enjoy the journey of self discovery on the road to truly being authentic with ourselves and with others.

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