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remember when you were little (or even when you were not so little) and you ate that delicious scrumptious bowl of ice cream way too fast leading up to a major brain freeze?
the past week i have had a brain freeze not induced by ice cream but by mental overload. so many thoughts. so many ideas. so many pieces of information needing to be collected, organized, sorted, filed, color coded & alphabetized.
you see, i always picture my thoughts in a big spacious office (insert office from the devil wears prada) all neatly organized, all compartmentalized, all boxed up in pretty boxes and file folders.
truth is though i found some files this week that i had forgotten existed. no truthfully i had not forgotten they existed – i had simply been ignoring them. pushing them aside in a “deal with later” pile.
funny thing about “deal with later” piles or “someday” piles – eventually someday arrives and you have to deal with them whether you like it or not.
this weekend “someday” came and hit pretty hard. i realized i usually put files in the “deal with later” pile when they relate to my emotions. i don’t like dealing with emotions. i am a pretty cut and dry person. i have been told i run my life (love life included) like a business meeting.
i have gotten slightly better the past few years at dealing with emotions and not appearing so cold and stand offish. but i still have room to grow…lots and lots of room to grow! i like things black and white. i don’t like gray. i am also a total perfectionist who doesn’t like to give up control or admit that things are exactly how i would like them.
this week has been one of total relinquishment of control, or at least an attempt at relinquishment. i am trying to listen to my heart. trying to not be so practical. trying to be less calculated. trying to understand “emotions”. yes, i said it, trying to understand emotions. they indeed seem such a foreign concept to me sometimes. it comes from my childhood -from being the odd girl out. from putting up a wall but then forgetting what things look like when the wall can be finally be taken down.
a good example of what i mean by all this would be veronica from better of ted. or sandra bullock in the proposal.
