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Well, the answer according to my husband… 🙂
The other day I was venting some frustrations to my husband about various people and things over dinner. Useless drama drama drama basically sums it all up. After venting my frustration to him, I although still bothered by these various situations, was o.k. with everything and ready to enjoy my evening. It was all filed neatly away to deal with another time.
So we came home, did some cleaning, played with the little man, and I did some blogging while Broc started assembling the little man’s front facing car seat. Broc seemed a little irritated through all of this though, and so after me pressing him for details, he finally explained he was still focusing on our discussion at dinner. He was still frustrated by the drama. He just doesn’t understand women and how they respond to certain situations differently then men. What may be a day-breaking, mood-altering event for a woman, a man will typically dismiss as being trivial or unimportant, or even just ignore the situation altogether, realizing it’s in no way worth his time or effort to dwell on it.
He then explained that he had been trying to think of why females are the way they are. Why we all behave the same way. Why we are all, it seems, innately dramatic. He determined the following:
Back in the day of cave men the cave woman resided within the walls of her own cave, where she had only a handful of responsibilities – cook the food, bear the children, sweep the bones out of the cave. her life was relatively simple. When she got hungry, cave man would go out and hunt food. When she got cold, cave man would build her a better shelter. When she was grumpy, caveman would bring her a nice, shiny pebble.
As a result of this relationship, cave woman came to expect that her needs would be met. After all, without her, there would be no perpetuation of the species. She developed into the consumer, with caveman being her provider (and it should be noted he was completely happy and fulfilled with this arrangement). It was all about her, and she became very accustomed to this. (This is also apparently why women are such avid shoppers, it’s the consumer coming out in us!) Consequentially, she also became rather self-aware in her day-to-day life. “How does this affect me? What does that mean for ME? Did that rival female just shoot me a dirty look? Well it must be the most significant event of the stone age because it relates to me, and I AM THE KEY TO THE PERPETUATION OF THE SPECIES!!!”
Caveman didn’t have time to be self-aware. As he walked by group of cave women untangling each other’s hair on his way out of the village, he almost didn’t even hear the comments that his forehead was much smaller than all of the other males in the tribe, or how they found it odd how upright he stood. No, cave man paid no attention to their incoherent chatter. He paid no attention because he knew the moment he stepped into that forest, he was on the hunt. The tribe would eat or starve depending on his success or failure. He couldn’t allow such petty distractions because around any corner, a sabertooth tiger might be ready to pounce, waiting to make cave man his meal.
| exhibit a |
Here’s where genetics & evolution do the rest. The self-aware caveman is distracted while checking the size of his forehead in the lake, doesn’t see the sabertooth tiger sneaking up behind him, and is killed and eaten. He can no longer produce any cave children. On the other hand, the focused, tunnel-vision cave man has a successful hunt, returns to the village, and makes lots of little cave children. thus beginning a pattern that leads to increasingly non-self-aware males in each successive generation.
Females, as fate would have it, have remained self-aware.
So here we are today. men and women responding to the same situation in completely different ways due to millennia of genetic conditioning. While roles today are much different than they were in the stone age, the innate tendencies remain. Guys have no time to stay mad at someone. No time to worry about who did or did not invite him somewhere. No time to worry about who said what and why they did it because they are still genetically inclined to provide for their family and to be more focused.
…or so says the theory of my husband which he was kind enough to explain. Yes, my friends, for three hours this is what my husband was contemplating and deciding as fact. While finishing dinner, while driving home, while putting together a car seat – for three straight hours (in case you didn’t catch that the first time) he was thinking about being eaten by a sabertooth tiger and gathering shiny pebbles. The mysteries of the male mind and female drama have now been solved. You can thank me later! Actually, the many moments i have spent laughing hysterically, practically in tears, over this theory, have been thanks enough. 🙂
But, really you are welcome! Oh, and if your husband ever asks you why you shop so much, simply refer him to this post. I’m sure it will make perfect sense to him. Maybe.
Last but not least, I should note that Broc did help in writing this. He wanted to ensure his “theory” was stated accurately. Heaven forbid it wasn’t. I mean there should be a Nobel Peace Prize awarded for what he just figured out (insert sarcasm here).
Oh, and before you go, if any of you watch Modern Family, remember when Phil is explaining his theory on why male animals eat their young? I am married to Phil people. I am married to a Phil. Enjoy the clip…
